I heard a story before about this dog; let’s call him Charlie. Charlie was a dog his owner chained him up without much freedom for a long time except enough freedom to eat and gets around the dog house. Charlie cried often to break free, but with no success. I am sure he was tired and bored of being in one place days in and out especially he didn’t have much freedom to do anything he wanted to do. Charlie was coming and going from the distance of the chain his owner allowed him to have.
Charlie found a new friend that would visit him occasionally. One day that one dog was passing by and saw Charlie they became good friends. Charlie was happy for his new friend, but he wonders what it would be like to be free from his chain. I can’t get out or even get far with that chain, said Charlie. The owner decided to increase the extension to give Charlie more freedom to play with his friend. Charlie was overwhelmed with joy; he was able to get further than he normally could. As time went by his owner kept on increasing his distance, and before you know it Charlie forgot he was in a chain. He was happy with his extra freedom because he could do some of the things he wanted to do.
Soon Charlie is to break free. Is he really going to be free? The owner decided to give Charlie his complete freedom which Charlie always wanted. This would have been a great life for Charlie. He would be able to celebrate his freedom, spending time with friends, meeting potential friends, playing together with other dogs or maybe just run as there is no tomorrow. This is something he was not able to do.
Charlie is free; unfortunately Charlie forgot he had his freedom. He would live his life as a prisoner. He became accustomed to his chain, and he would only go as far as the distance of the chain. His owner was surprised, and could not understand it to find Charlie in the same place they kept him for so long. The problem with Charlie, his owner indeed set him free, but in Charlie’s mind he was still a prisoner.
This is a great story, and it’s a life lesson so many of us can relate to. This story can compare to our own lives, not just Charlie as a dog. Sometimes we may find ourselves in a certain citation or a life style where we become accustomed or adapt, and it became the way of life. It could be an abusive relationship, wrong choices or anything that would cause us to compromise so much where we forget who we are or it becomes the norm when in reality it is not. I cannot help but wonder sometimes, why a woman or a man stays in a bad relationship where the partner cheat, or causing physical and emotional abuse? The person stays even when she/he has the opportunity to leave.
Why anyone would wants to stay in a situation that would compromise her life and health? The number one reason I could think of is fear. Fear of letting go, fear of loosing something that one thinks of importance where the negativity becomes the norm. I was talking to a friend who has been in relationship with this no good guy for years. One day she decided to let him go because he was no good to her, and he even caused her health to be diminished. I was so happy for her, praise her, and telling her I was proud of her for her decision. It was hard to let him go since they were together for a long time as I could imagine. However, she felt she made the right choice for herself and her health.
One month or two went by she said she had a date. I said yeah, I am happy for you. Wait, who is the lucky guy? She said my ex-boyfriend. I said, are you serious? She seemed to make up her mind to start seeing him again. Sometimes when people are feeling that strong about their decisions there is nothing you can do except hopping they would change their mind. I told her okay, but if anything goes wrong this time please don’t tell me because I am not going to listen. Sure enough, in less than a month she came to tell me how the guy stressed her out; he broke her cell phone, and her computer. I told her, I am not here please leave a message. She laughed saying you told me, and all my other friends told me the same thing. My other friends reacted exact the same way you do.
A lot of men or women have the mentality they can change the person. No, you can’t. Vise versa, he treated you bad before, he will do it again. he cheated on you before, he will do it again. He mentally and physically abused you before; he will do it again unless something remarkably changed about him and in him whom I personally think can be done by God. Sometimes God works in people’s lives without them even knowing.
Few years ago there is that guy I felt strongly about, but there are a lot of things that were important to me I felt he didn’t have. I tried to convince myself he was the one. I kept on thinking I like this and that about him, but the other part of me kept on saying you don’t like this and that about him, and these things are important to you. I basically was ambivalence. My body was fighting against itself which made it hard for me to let him go, but I had to let him go because I felt we wouldn’t be happy together. Up-to-this day I never regret my decision of not wanting to be with him because I love me and I don’t think he would have treat me the way I would want to be treated. I am sure he will make a great husband to someone else, but he is not for me. I think, instead of being in a bad relationship or stay with the wrong person it’s better to be single because when you meet that special someone there will be no ambivalence because everything feels right.
The dog was captive for years, but when he was set free he was still living a captive life. My friend was captive by that guy for years, but when she finally got the courage to claim her freedom she went back to live a captive life. I guest it is the human nature to reject what is good for us.
Please don’t misunderstand problem in relationships with abuse. We face problem in any type of relationships. I think it makes us stronger. Read my other post about “How Do You Know You Are In Love?”
My question for you, what kind of life do you choose for yourself today?